Seven years ago today we brought home our newborn baby girl from the hospital. I was a first time mum. She was just 28 hours old and we’d had a rough first night on the ward. We got home after a visit first to the grandparents and dinner with them and headed straight to bed. That night I sat on the edge of the bed looking at the beautiful, perfect little baby in her crib next to me and I cried. Tears of joy you ask?
No.
Tears from feeling completely and utterly overwhelmed and frightened to death of the responsibility now placed on my shoulders. I looked at that beautiful baby and I had absolutely no idea how on earth I was going to take care of her. I had no idea what I was doing. Literally no idea. They don’t come with an instruction manual do they, these little fragile packages? No guidelines, no on/off switch, no timetable of what you need to do at what time. Just a whole new guessing game which somehow you are expected to get right.
She’d wake up screaming blue murder and I’d spend hours trying to feed her or settle her back down. People would ask me ‘Whats wrong with her?’ and I’d want to scream ‘How the hell should I know?!’ Because I didn’t know. She couldn’t tell me what was wrong or why she was crying. And I didn’t have a clue. That’s the reality when you bring home a newborn for the first time. People say mothers instinct will kick in or follow your gut instinct. That’s fine when you have experience with babies or you are already a Mum. With our second baby things were much easier as I knew what I was dealing with. But with your first born everything is so new. The responsibility of that child depending completely upon you and everyone expecting you to know what to do can be a terrible burden.
I am so glad that with our firstborn there were 3 childrens centres in our town. I met an amazing group of Mums who were my lifeline in that first 12 months. We were all first time Mums and we all supported each other through the good days and the bad. I had no other friends with babies or kids. Meeting these women and seeing them on an almost daily basis, as well as the wonderful supportive staff, was really what got me through. We are all still in touch with each other now and watch our kids grow up (and new siblings join the group!).
Sometimes its easy to forget just how hard it is for a first time Mum. But thinking back to that first night 7 years ago I remember it very well. To all you new Mums out there – it’s ok. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed. It’s ok to feel afraid. It’s ok to feel lost and confused. It’s ok to cry. But most importantly, it’s ok to ask for help. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You can do this xx
