I wrote this over the weekend then changed my mind about posting it as I was worried how people might take it. I think its important though to be realistic about life as a parent. Its not all plain sailing. Its not all fun and games. In fact sometimes its down right lousy and can leave you feeling like utter crap. Its important to realise that all Mums have been through it at some point and we all need to support each other and make it ok for people to be open and honest about how hard it can sometimes be. So here goes…..
Today I have been a horrible Mum. I’m not proud of it. In fact I feel heartbroken. Today has been one of those days where my darling beautiful son has driven me (and half of Ikea) to the brink of insanity.
Today he is tired after an exciting sleepover at Auntie’s house last night. Today he is grouchy as he is full of cold and my God hasn’t he let everyone know about it.
We walked into Ikea and within moments it began. I’m looking for our number to be called at the customer service desks. As I glance round, all of the cushions from the waiting area benches have suddenly vanished. “That boy has taken all the cushions” I hear a small child say to his Mum. That boy was my boy. After a wrestling match that WWE fans would have been proud of, I finally manage to return the cushions to their benches and rapidly remove ‘that boy’ from the area.
We head over to the touch screens to search for the items we are hoping to purchase. Only every time we get close, a little finger appears from nowhere and taps randomly over the screen sending our product search all over the place. Not just once. Oh no. This has become too good a game. Picking him up I hold him in a vice grip so he can’t reach the screen and he screeches at the top of his voice for all to hear. And I look like a horrible Mum. Product search abandoned. Let’s get some food.
Stood in the queue for hot dogs and meatballs to keep us going on our trek round the Ikea showrooms, he spots the doughnuts. I say no he can’t have one. And he screams. He screams and cries for the next 25 minutes while we try to eat. Next he’s whinging that he doesn’t want his hotdog. So I take a bite and suddenly he’s screaming because he wanted that hotdog. I am a horrible Mum.
“There’s space in the creche?” I say hopefully. I am a horrible Mum. “No he’ll be fine.” Famous last words.
We head up to the show rooms and the real fun begins. So many things to touch, so many places to run, so many places to hide. We hand out stern warnings in that ‘don’t frickin mess with me’ voice saved for public areas when you really are ready to lose it but try desperately to hold it together and look like you are in control. And then I said it. “That’s it. Enough is enough. You’re not going to your friend’s birthday party this afternoon”. I am a horrible Mum. I am a horrible mum because he has been so excited about that party. And his little friend has been so excited about him coming to her party. And I feel awful. I am a horrible Mum but I have to make a stand.
Amid hysterical tears and tantrums we pay and leave as quickly as possible (much to the relief of the Ikea staff I am sure) and get in the car. He falls asleep. I knew he was tired. I am such a horrible Mum.
He sleeps all the way home and I message the birthday girl’s mum to let her know we wont make it. He is too tired and grumpy. I am a horrible Mum.
At dinner he’s perked up and seems in a better mood but the devil is in him once again. He sits swinging his legs and repeatedly kicking the chair next to him. I ask him politely to stop and he does. For a second. Then he grins and carries on. I tell him again to stop. He doesn’t. I warn him there will be no pudding unless he stops. He doesn’t. “Right, no pudding.” More screaming. You see its not just any pudding. It’s the apple crumble made by his big sister that they’ve been so looking forward to trying and his favourite custard. But I don’t give in. We eat our pudding and ignore his screams. I am a horrible Mum.
You see my darling boy, you have to learn boundaries. You have to understand that certain behaviour is not acceptable and it is my job to teach you right from wrong. There are times you will think I am a horrible Mum but please know that it is for your own good, because I want you to grow into a wonderful person. I hope one day you will understand. I am a horrible Mum, but I love you unconditionally, with all my heart, tantrums and all xxx